I Know
by OldVictorianQuill
Summary: Whilst Tonks attempts to drink her sorrows and thoughts of Remus away, Snape can't help but think to the past when another heartbroken witch sobbed over a Marauder. Remus/Tonks, one-sided Snape/Lily, mentions of James/Lily
1. Chapter 1

**I Know  
><strong>  
>۞<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in this fanfiction.

Summary: Whilst Tonks attempts to drink her sorrows and thoughts of Remus away, Snape can't help but think to the past when another heartbroken witch sobbed over a Marauder.

Pairings: Remus/Tonks, One sided Snape/Lily, mentions of James/Lily

A/N: This is my first multi-chapter story so I'm feeling a little nervous. Hope you all enjoy Chapter One. Chapter Two should be up on Wednesday. This is dedicated to jade253 because of her love for Severus!

۞  
><span><strong><br>Chapter One**

"Sirius would be so proud!" Tonks thought darkly, chuckling a laugh empty of humour as she toasted her glass to her late cousin and downed her fourth shot of Firewhiskey, not even wincing as the potent liquid hit her throat harshly. She nodded blearily to Aberforth at the bar who reluctantly poured her another shot whilst eyeing her with an expression of something akin to concern, but she didn't notice, only grabbing the refill clumsily in hand toasting yet another silent toast to Sirius before consuming it hurriedly.

She didn't care how she looked to her fellow Hog's Head drinkers. Didn't care that the 'impossible-to-concern' Aberforth _was_ showing concern at her inebriated state, and didn't care that the fire in her throat was now intensified tenfold as the fifth shot seared down it. She only cared that she didn't have to feel, didn't have to feel the searing pain in her heart which only worsened with every thought of _him._

__"Aberforth! Another!" Tonks slurred, slamming the glass down so hard that the bang of glass on wood reverberated through her thumping head causing her to groan. Aberforth shook his head firmly.

"I think you've had enough." He told her gruffly, taking the glass from the filthy bar and moving it away from her.

"Nooo!" Tonks moaned, pouting as she attempted to glare at him, blinking furiously as she focused on the swimming form of Aberforth. "Just one more, I promise!" she pleaded, batting her eyelids sweetly, and leaning forward eagerly for another.

Aberforth sighed easily defeated and poured another shot passing it to her whilst shaking his head.

"Cheers, Ab!" Tonks told him in a cheery tone devoid of any natural cheer, lifting the glass in a toast. "I owe you!"

"Yes you do!" Aberforth grunted "About 4 galleons now!" he said moodily, moving off to another customer before she could ask for another.

Tonks sighed as she contemplated the glass of clear liquid in front of her thoughtfully. All she wanted was to not have to think, not have to feel, yet he was still there, always niggling at her mind. She shook angrily picking up the shot as gracefully as possible and slamming it down with a vengeance.

"Well, well, what a delightful surprise." she heard a familiar voice sarcastically sneer from behind her. Tonks just closed her eyes resting her head on her hands.

"Snape." She replied emotionless, hoping he'd disappear by the time she next looked up. She was definitely not in the mood to put up with a confidence battering from the king of snakes. She looked up to find Snape seated in the seat next to her, having a silent conversation with Aberforth, which consisted of Snape nodding tightly and gesturing for a pint of mead and Aberforth grunting moodily. She sighed. _No such luck._

"So what brings you here this fine evening Nymphadora?" Snape finally spoke, his ever present sneering smirk plastered on his pointed face as he drank deeply from his goblet.

"What do you want Snape?" Tonks asked angrily, the pain in her chest intensifying as her thoughts of Snape immediately led to Remus. Always to Remus. She shook her head angrily.

Without a second thought, Tonks cast a quick glance towards Aberforth who stood facing away from them at the other end of the bar, before grabbing the abandoned dusty Firewhiskey bottle from the bar and taking a swig.

Snape raised an eyebrow at her drunken display and choosing to ignore her question he spoke again.

"What _are _you doing?" he asked disgusted, to which Tonks just shrugged forcing down another swig, attempting to block it all out. All of it.

"Hey!" Tonks shouted disoriented as the bottle was forced out of her hand, the clear liquid spilling messily down her chin and onto her hands. Before she could do much more that wipe her chin blearily, a hand clamped down on her arm and she was forced to look into Snape's eyes, their black tunnels burning furiously.

"Why aren't you patrolling the castle?" Snape queried, lowering his voice slightly to avoid being overheard, but his tone still dangerous.

Tonks shrugged and attempted to pull her arm out of his grip, succeeding only in causing herself to slip drunkenly half-way off her seat, resulting in Snape tightening his grip as he pulled her back up.

"Why aren't you patrolling Nymphadora?" He asked her again dangerously to which Tonks only pushed at him weakly with her trapped arm, her spare pressed tightly to her chest as though it would burst open.

"Just leave me alone!" She moaned despairingly, her reason for ditching patrolling flying back into her face. Remus.

Snape broke his grip from her arm forcefully, staring at her down his hooked nose.

"So pathetic." He sneered, looking at her distraught face, her eyes scrunched up in pain. "A disgrace to the name of Aurors." He spat distastefully as he eyed her trembling form. "And all over that dirty werewolf no doubt."

Something inside Tonks snapped and she span on her stool surprisingly gracefully for someone as clumsy and drunk as herself and swung her hand around.

SMACK

The numbness Tonks had been desperately grasping for vanished entirely as her hand smacked mercilessly onto Snape's cheek and she felt the tears she'd been desperately hiding slide continuously down her face. Snape turned to her. 

For once his face held no sneer, no smirk, only the hint of an expression so foreign on his face that Tonks wasn't sure she was seeing it. Was it? No. It couldn't be..._pity?_

The expression remained as he looked to her streaming eyes before sighing deeply and facing back to the bar reaching for the confiscated bottle of Firewhiskey and handing it back to her. 

Tonks took it gratefully, the searing in her chest almost unbearable as her tears began to choke her. 

"It hurts." She choked out, after a long draw from the bottle, the tears refusing to stop, only raining down unmercilessly refusing to let her forget, refusing to let her ignore. 

"I know." Snape replied finally, reaching for the bottle in her hand and glancing at it apathetically before taking his own swig and passing it back to her. 

They sat in silence as Tonks cried silently and Snape clenched his jaw tightly uncomfortable, his eyes staring unwaveringly at the goblet in his hands. 

Tonks clenched her hand even more tightly to her chest as Remus' face flew unbidden to her mind. The gentle smile he'd always worn in her daydreams now replaced by the furious animosity in his voice as he'd screamed at her insanely whilst he pushed her away from him disgusted. As he'd pushed away her love. 

It might have been an hour, it might have been two when Tonks finally finished the punishing bottle of Firewhiskey and held the cool glass to her forehead to ease the dull thudding beat in her temples. 

Ignoring Snape, she reached into her robe pocket and pulled out some coins. As she began to count the coins with careful concentration, she suddenly lurched sideways. She blinked surprised grabbing onto the side of the bar before looking down at the coins again. Giving up, she just threw the coins on the counter, hoping there were enough and making her way up off the chair.

This time her whole body lurched sideways and her hand gripped the closest thing, which happened to be Snape's arm. Snape sighed, tossing a few coins of his own onto the pile before standing up and helping Tonks forward. 

"No. I'm fine." Tonks tried to protest, but all that came out was an incoherent ramble which Snape ignored, as he moved an arm around her waist and pulled her towards the exit. 

"If you say so." Snape sneered again contemptuously, obviously disgusted by his own, very out-of-character, act of altruism, "Just hurry up and stop moaning." He ordered her, pulling her forward out of the door. 

As the door of the pub swung closed behind them, Tonks breathed in a deep breath of fresh air before groaning, the cold air only serving to worsen the thumping in her head. 

"The Three Broomsticks?" Snape asked shortly and Tonks nodded only lightly as the act caused her stomach to turn. Snape rolled his eyes. 

"This is pathetic. You're meant to be watching over the school tonight. What good are you going to do for the Order if you're too busy drowning your sorrows in a filthy pub?" 

Not even bothering to ask why Snape had decided to lower himself to drinking in a 'filthy pub', Tonks just swallowed feeling her stomach churn as she stumbled over her own feet. Snape's arm thankfully kept her steady. 

"You don't understand anything." Tonks spat at him, as a fleck of her dull mousy brown hair flew into her eyes and she drunkenly aimed to blow it away, only resulting in blowing a raspberry. 

"For which I am very grateful." Snape sneered cruelly, sticking his nose up at her as they thankfully approached The Three Broomsticks. He manouvered them inside, giving an impatient sigh as he began to pull her useless form up the stairs and into her darkened room, where he roughly pushed her towards the bed which Tonks collapsed onto gratefully, her head hitting the blessedly cool pillows. 

"Sleep it off Nymphadora." Snape said coldly, as he placed a glass of cold water onto her bedside table and lit a few candles around the room with a flick of his wand. "And maybe tomorrow you will actually do something useful for the Order and not spend every waking second feeling sorry for yourself." 

Tonks looked up at him from where she lay, the spinning in her head and the overwhelming exhaustion she felt making it difficult for her to focus on him.

When she finally managed it she studied his expression. Although his words and voice were cold, his eyes held an unfamiliar warmth within them as they looked at her with a glimpse of sympathy. 

"What did I do wrong?" She asked as she shook from a mixture of the cold, the alcohol, the exhaustion and the emotion, her eyes brimming with tears. "Why can't he love me?" 

Snape stood unmoving as he watched her, before shaking his head. 

"Go to sleep Nymphadora!" he ordered his voice cold as ice. 

Tonks shook her head as the tears overwhelmed her yet again and she felt her heart break as she finally admitted it out loud. 

"I love him." She choked, "I love him so much." 

And as she finally said the words she felt her body give in as the tears streamed down her cheeks and the exhaustion took over, pulling her from the world of pain into a painless dreamland. 

And just as she felt herself slip away from reality she heard a soft sympathetic murmur from Snape as she felt a blanket being hastily draped over her shivering form. 

"I know." 

۞


	2. Chapter 2

**I Know  
><strong>  
>۞<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in this fanfiction.

۞

**Chapter Two**

Snape sighed heavily as he swept out the door of 'The Three Broomsticks', his cloak billowing around him as he stepped out into the surprisingly chilly summer night. He looked up wearily at the starry sky, half expecting the arrival of a dozen dementors in explanation of the night chill. But there was nothing.

Shrugging further into his cloak Snape began to walk away from the pub but not before casting a quick glance towards the upstairs window of Nymphadora's room. Snape sighed again as he found himself unable to think up a sarcastic snide remark towards his fellow Order member, his thoughts immediately drawn elsewhere.

She'd reminded him so much of _her_, when he'd found her drinking in the Hog's Head. Her eyes empty of emotion yet speaking volumes as she'd downed swallow after swallow of Firewhiskey, her hand pressed to her chest as though she would split apart at the seams from the pain in her heart. Snape shook furiously. And her words, her ever familiar haunting words.

_"It hurts."_

_"I love him! I love him so much!"_

__Snape's hand tightened unconsciously around his wand and he turned briskly in the night, disappearing to the loud crack of disapparation.

He apparated not far from his destination and after taking a quick glance around him cautiously he walked slowly, his jaw clenching uncomfortably as his thoughts turned back to her.

_Always to her.  
><em>

۞

_He saw her red hair before he'd seen her, the flash of the deep fiery red causing him to unconsciously move in her direction before he'd even thought not to. He didn't even stop to think about the reason behind her presence in the Hog's Head, where she sat drinking shot after shot of firewhiskey staring steadfastly in front of her and refusing to let the noticeable pain in her eyes show on her indifferent face._

_"Lily?" he questioned her quietly as he took the seat next to her, watching her softly._

_She gave no indication that she'd heard him, or that she had in fact noticed his presence beside her and reached for her shot glass taking it in hand and swinging it back with a practiced movement before slamming it back down hard, her hand clenched tightly around the tiny glass as she swallowed. Reaching into her pocket he watched as she took out a couple of silver coins which she pushed onto the bar with a surprisingly steady hand._

_His heart skipped a beat as her hand moved forward and a small sparkle from her right hand third finger glinted as it caught in the light of the candle.  
><em>

_A simple claddagh ring with a small yet beautiful diamond in its centre graced her finger and Snape stared at it in shock, as he noticed the way the heart was pointing towards her. His mouth fell open slightly, unable to think, unable to feel. Surely she wasn't with Potter? He'd have known, there was no way they'd be able to keep that a secret from the whole school!_

_She finally looked at him and the already hard lines on her stiff, hurt, beautiful face hardened further as she watched him swallow hard and move his eyes from her hand his face disgusted.  
><em>

"_What do you want?" She asked bitterly, looking at him with hateful eyes for only a moment before she reached for her next shot and slung it back quickly.  
><em>

"_Since when do you drink?" Snape responded ignoring her question, warily eyeing the empty shot glass in her hand, almost frightened that she would smash it in his face. After all, that was Lily Evans all over. Unpredictable._

_"Since when does it matter what I do?" She threw back harshly, ignoring his question in turn, "I'm only a filthy mudblood right?"_

_Snape opened his mouth to reply, but words failed him and Lily just snorted unamused and motioned for Aberforth to pour her another shot. Snape snapped and grabbed the shot from her hand, his sudden movement causing the shot to slip and Firewhiskey to spill onto both their hands._

_"What the hell do you think you're -?" Lily began to rage indignantly before he cut her off._

_"Shut up and stop drinking!" He ordered furiously, waving Aberforth away who was watching the scene with wide eyes, unsure of who to side with. Making a quick decision he grabbed the bottle of Firewhiskey and moved to the other end of the bar._

_Lily glared at him looking exceptionally pissed off, yet remained silent, waiting for him to speak, and Snape felt his heart thump painfully in his chest. How had it become like this between them? It used to be so easy. As easy as breathing._

_"What happened?" Snape finally spoke, his voice pitying and his expression concerned, and it seemed to be enough as he watched tears fill the red-head's eyes as she shook her head, almost as though she was dying to spill her secrets. Just like they had used to. When they had told each other everything._

_The moment was gone almost as soon as it had begun and she instead let out a bitter laugh. "What makes you think anything has happened? Maybe this is just who I am now! Did you ever think of that?"_

_He said nothing in response, only looking at her sympathetically, the pain in his eyes showing her that no matter what she said, he could always tell when she was lying. And in that moment her angry facade vanished and she crumbled. Falling into tears._

_"I don't know what to do!" She sobbed, her hand, sticky from the spilt firewhiskey, making it's way to her chest where she held it tightly, as though holding an open wound together._

_"What happened?" He asked softly, not daring to make a move closer to her in fear of setting off her anger again, instead just watching her patiently._

_"He loved me all these years." She choked, squeezing her eyes shut as she spoke, fat tears dripping from her lashes and dashing down her cheeks. "and I just threw it in his face. And now that my heart belongs to him, he doesn't want me!"_

_Snape's jaw clenched in unison to his hand clenching on his wand as her words hit him painfully._

_Potter. Of course. The claddagh ring adorning her finger caught his attention again and this time he felt his heart thud hard in his chest as her words made sense. "And now that my heart belongs to him..."_

_"I don't know how to be what he wants." Snape watched silently as she moved her hands to her face, her tears dripping into her palms. "We were getting so close, and then his parents...I don't know how to make it better. He doesn't want me to help him!"_

_Snape couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed as he thought back to how him and his fellow Slytherin's had taunted Potter after news that the prolific ex-Auror Mr. Potter and his wife had died from Dragon Pox was shared by the Daily Prophet at breakfast. He remembered Potter refusing to grow angry at the jeers, only making his way out of the Great Hall and out into the grounds. And how angry he'd felt as he'd watched Sirius sadly whisper something to Lily who's face had fallen dramatically as she shook her head devastated before making her way up from the Gryffindor table to rush out after him._

_Lily's cries drew him from his guilt and he looked back to her only to have his heart broken in less than a second.  
><em>

"_I love him!" She sobbed, "I love him so much!"_

_And for once, Snape let go of his jealousy, his anger and his pain and for once he put Lily before everything. Put his only friend in the world before everything else he believed._

_"Then fight for him!" He whispered softly, his heart breaking as he spoke the words._

_"It hurts"_

_"I know!"_

_And he did. He did know._

__۞

Snape's face was apathetic as he stared at the overgrown ruined house in front of him. The house where she'd lived with her husband, where she'd lived with her son, where she'd died. And in that moment he knew what she'd have wanted him to do and with a swish of his cloak, he disapparated into the night.

۞

**A/N Any constructive criticism or feedback of any kind you could give me would be greatly appreciated as I'm currently writing a novel and any feedback, good or bad, will help me to improve my writing skills!**

**The next and final chapter will be put up on Saturday!**

**If you want to read what happens after Lily runs after James in the Great Hall check out my oneshot "Comforting Grief".**

۞


	3. Chapter 3

**I Know  
><strong>  
>۞<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in this fanfiction.

A/N: I'm feeling a bit downcast about this fic as I've had no feedback on the previous two chapters and have no idea what people think of it. I worked really hard on it so I'd really appreciate it if you could drop me a review and let me know whether you enjoyed it or not. Even if you don't like it I'd like to know as it helps me know what people like to read and whether I need to alter my writing style. That said, I hope you enjoy the final chapter, and please review.

۞

**Chapter Three**

No matter how much Remus tried to appear otherwise; he was worried.

It had been a relief at first when Tonks had been absent from their initial patrol group meetup. Bill had merely chuckled after they'd stood waiting for her for ten minutes, claiming that Tonks had probably just been kept behind at Headquarters by Moody to receive a lecture on Constant Vigilance.

But now, four hours later, the clock having struck midnight mere minutes ago, Remus couldn't help but feel an unpleasant sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he once again met Bill who shook his head at Remus' unasked question.

"It's not like Tonks to be _this _late!" Bill said shaking his head concerned as he furrowed a brow and squinted down the darkened corridor, listening for her clumsy footsteps to signal her arrival. "Not if it's for something as important as the Order!"

Remus nodded in agreement, sighing and pushing a hand wearily through his greying hair as he wondered what could be keeping her. He wasn't arrogant enough to think that _he_ was the reason she'd not turned up. If anything, the Tonks he knew would have turned up with her head held high refusing to let him or her damaged pride stop her from, as she called it, _"doing my bit to bring down that psycho"._

"I'm going to go and look for her." Remus said finally making a decision and Bill nodded in agreement, before he suddenly trained his eyes on Remus his face concerned.

"Look Remus. I know there's something going on here. Something you probably won't tell me," Remus shifted uncomfortably, breaking eye contact and instead looking out of the window to his right and staring at the starry sky. Bill spoke on undeterred, "but seriously Remus, whatever it is, are you sure it's worth the pain it's causing you both? I mean, I've never seen Tonks so...unlike Tonks!"

Remus flinched at his words, Tonks' distraught face flying to the front of his mind as he remembered how he'd shouted and raged at her as she'd begged him to listen to her. How his own heart had broken as he'd pushed her away from him physically and emotionally, hearing her broken sobs as he'd stalked away, leaving her crying wretchedly on the damp grass in the park outside Grimmauld Place.

Shaking himself from his memories, Remus didn't answer Bill, instead repeating "I'll go and find her," and turning his head back as he began walking to say; "Find Minerva and let her know what's going on."

He didn't see Bill shake his head sadly as he hurried down to the Entrance Hall and made his way out of the castle.

He stopped for a moment taking in a deep breath of the chilly night's air and looking up to the starry sky before he shook his head and continued walking, mentally considering where to look first.

"I can't see what she's making such a fuss about personally!" A cold voice sneered.

Remus spun around quickly his wand at the ready, only to find himself face to face with Snape whose sneering face was paler than usual as the icy summer wind whipped around him rustling his cloak, making him look remarkably like, as he'd heard his students once say, 'an overgrown bat'. Remus frowned at Snape's words.

"Who's making a fuss?" He asked confused, only for Snape to smirk unpleasantly.

"Sobbing and crying she was. A truly pathetic sight if I say so myself! I can't personally understand why the Auror office ever even contemplated letting her in. Must have been desperate."

It suddenly clicked and Remus felt himself grow pale as a million thoughts ran through his head.

"Tonks? Where is she? Is she alright?"

"Well Lupin." Snape started, seemingly amused at the game he was playing as he delayed further. "The fact that she spent the best part of the evening chucking back Firewhiskey in the Hogs Head crying like a child and passing out like an intoxicated teenager at The Three Broomsticks when she should have been patrolling, suggests to me that she's not alright. What do you think Lupin? Or is that what she's always like? You should know after all!"

Snape grinned nastily and the muscle in Remus' jaw clenched furiously at Snape's obvious amusement at Tonks' pain. Remus felt his heart clench. Pain that he'd caused her. But before he could even open his mouth to shout furiously at him Snape spoke again.

"Oh of course. Maybe you wouldn't know! After all what was it that she was crying about to me? Oh yes; "What did I do wrong? Why can't he love me?" Honestly it was pathetic. I can understand why you wouldn't go for her. Far too clingy!"

It was in a split second that Remus flew from his spot on the steps to where Snape stood, grabbing his robes in hand and slamming him back hard into the stone bricks of the castle wall.

And for a moment he was back to his teenage self, pushing Snape into the wall in fury after he'd aimed a curse at James but had hit Lily instead. Unleashing his anger out in the most basic of human ways, he forgot all about his wand as he slammed Snape's shoulder's backwards until his head hit the wall behind him hard.

"Where is she?" Remus shouted furious, his grip so tight that Snape couldn't find a way out of it.

Snape sneered, clearing his throat as his breath caught at the force of the impact, no amount of physical violence enough to keep away his patronising tone.

"Ah so seems the werewolf does care after all! Never thought I'd see the day you 'd drag yourself from your self-pitying long enough to care about someone else." And in a split second he pushed Remus away who stumbled slightly as he tripped down a couple of steps. They stood glaring at each other, breathing heavily.

"Do yourself a favour." Snape spat at him as Remus fought to control his temper, his blood pumping furiously and his fists clenched. "Fight for her Lupin." Remus stood shock still as Snape stalked closer, his eyes menacing. "Fight for her. Otherwise you'll regret it for the rest of your miserable life."

And with that Snape swept away into the grounds, the heaviness in his heart slightly lighter as he stalked towards the lake. Memories of his Hogwarts years overwhelming him as he let himself fall to his knees. Images of him and Lily sitting by the lake hit him. The two submerging their feet in an attempt to fight off the unforgiving summer heat as Lily sat with a fat textbook testing him with Charms questions, or walking with their thick woolen house scarfs and hats on, walking around the frozen lake hand in hand.

He thought back to Tonks, how similar their pain had been, and how he'd put aside his anger and hurt for one night to help another young girl fight for their Marauder.

Snape fell back on his back, ignoring the hard ground as his back impacted with it and looked to the stars.

Little did he know that where his heart felt lighter than it had in years, Remus stood in the same spot Snape had left him, his heart heavier than ever.

Because now he had to make a choice.

۞

**A/N: Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this story. Please take the time to review as I'd love to know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I Know  
><strong>  
>۞<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in this fanfiction. 

A/N: Here's chapter 4 of I Know. I hope you enjoy! There will be one more chapter after this which I hope to have uploaded on Saturday. Sorry for the wait between chapters but I have five assignments for uni at the moment which are taking up most of my time. Remember to review, as any feedback is good feedback.

۞

**Chapter Four**

Tonks watched the scenes around her in shock. On one side she saw Fleur sitting at Bill's bedside, her beautiful face pained as tears fell down her pale cheeks, leaving behind a silvery trail. To her other side she saw Ron engulf Hermione in a strong hug as she too burst into tears, unable to keep them at bay any longer.

Finally her eyes moved to _him, _and as his gaze caught hers she couldn't bear it for a second longer and with a small sob she tore her eyes away and ran from the hospital wing not even staying long enough to hear his shout of "Tonks!"

She tore down the corridor as though Voldemort himself were chasing her yet feeling as though her movements were in slow motion as tears streamed down her face, and her heart thud painfully in her chest. Her breathing was ragged as sobs tore from her throat in deep gulps, but she continued to run, the corridor walls on either side of her suddenly too oppressive.

She finally found herself at the Entrance Hall and ignoring the remains of the once beautiful entrance way she raced out into the darkened grounds the cool night air burning her lungs as she gulped in deep breaths.

She didn't stop until she finally reached the lake where she collapsed to her knees as the weight of everything that had happened that night hit her with such a force it overwhelmed her.

Snape.

She blinked rapidly, her mouth forming soundless words as memories of the night in the Hog's Head hit her. She thought of how she'd probably have been left to kill herself with Firewhiskey if Snape hadn't helped her home when he did.

She remembered how he'd sneered at her, disgusted at her emotional display, yet his dark eyes warming slightly in pity and a flash of pain as she'd cried herself into an intoxicated sleep.

For a moment she'd even thought he'd understood...The only person who'd understood...It had all been a lie.

And she let the tears fall, clenching her hands into fists where she barely felt her nails dig into her palms drawing blood. She bit her lip hard in an attempt to mask the pain, but still a whimper escaped her, followed by another. And another.

"Why?" She whispered brokenly, looking to the lake where the reflection of the night's moon shone brightly. But she didn't know who she asked. Was it the moon? Did the moon have an answer for the pain she was feeling?

"I'm sorry."

She didn't turn as she heard the hoarse voice answer her. Of course he'd answer. He was always there, even when he said he didn't want to be. She would never be free of him. She forced herself to her feet, surprised they steadied her as they shook uncontrollably from the cold, the shock...and the pain.

"Please Remus, don't keep saying it. I can't bear to hear it anymore!" she begged him, staring steadfastly in front of her not acknowledging him as she turned to walk away.

He didn't leave only rushed to follow her,"Tonks..." his hand reaching for her arm. The second she felt it she shook it off immediately turning to him furiously.

"No Remus. You don't get to touch me. Not after everything you've said to me."

His face hardened at her words but he did as she said, moving his arm back to his side where it hung stiffly, his hands clenching as though to stop himself from reaching for her again. He shook his head.

"I need you to understand why I'm doing this." He spoke in his usual soft, gentle voice.

Tonks shook her head desperately, turning away from him again as more tears spilt from her lids and dashed down her pale cheeks, she barely winced as one caught in the open gash on her cheekbone, stinging it sharply.

"Please Remus, I can't take it anymore. Just...just..." she stopped for a moment swallowing deeply and looking up to the sky again before closing her eyes tightly. "Just tell me you feel nothing for me. I can't listen to you tell me it's because of you. Just give me the truth, don't just tell me how I deserve better. Tell me you don't feel the same, that I'm nothing to you and I can finally move on."

"Tonks-"

"Remus please. Let me go! Just let me go!" she cried, pushing a hand to her chest as it throbbed painfully. She looked to his face which had paled dramatically and watched as he shook his head his face pained.

"I-I can't!" He whispered, his own eyes filling with tears now as he reached for her again. Tonks stepped back from him angry. Why wouldn't he just say it? Why was he always causing her more pain?

"Don't touch me. Leave me alone!" she spat only for him to reach for her again this time pulling her to him, entrapping her with his surprisingly strong arms.

"I can't say it, Tonks." He said to her brokenly, and she broke her hands away from his chest clenching them into fists as she suddenly hit him, pushing at him with all her might, and whimpering as his arms didn't move only kept her close as she continued her onslaught.

"Tell me you don't love me! Tell me! Tell me!" She pummelled at him unmercilessly feeling angrier by the second as he didn't fight back, only whispered to her softly;

"I can't Tonks. I'll never say that to you. I'm sorry!"

She sobbed as he let her hit him and feeling drained she let out a whimper and stopped, letting her head fall to his chest where he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him.

"Why can't you let me go?" She whimpered into his chest, her tears soaking the front of his robes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as she cried, bunching his shirt into her hands as he rest his chin on the crown of her head. "I'm so sorry."

Unfisting her hands she moved them swiftly to his back where she squeezed him to her gently refusing to let him go, not now that he was here. He gently leant back from her moving his hands from where they lay wrapped around her back to cup her cheeks as he placed a deep kiss to her forehead, which Tonks accepted with a dry sob.

She didn't know what to think, what to feel as he moved his arms back to encircle her, reinitiating their embrace, and she knew their troubles were far from over. But for once, she accepted the comfort his arms provided without the hope that it would mean anything more.

Yet the next day when she woke in the spare bed she'd stolen in the hospital wing, having felt too exhausted to apparate home, she couldn't help but smile for the first time in such a long while.

And a few days later as she stood in the hospital wing watching Fleur help Molly to steady Bill as they made their way down to attend Dumbledore's funeral, her face split into a warm yet shy smile as she felt a hand make its way into hers and grasp firmly. Her smile grew yet more as she saw the overgrown mousy brown fringe which sat annoyingly in her eyes change colour.

To Bubblegum pink.

۞

**A/N: Just a quick thank you to AbSim7 and linda for the reviews! They made my day! See you again on Saturday for the final chapter which will be back to Snape.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I Know  
><strong>  
>۞<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in this fanfiction. 

A/N: Here's the final chapter of I Know. Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy! And please take the time to review, I'd love to know what people think of this story.

۞

**Chapter 5**

He watched their wedding from the surrounding trees. Keeping hidden from sight he watched the werewolf smile in blissful happiness as he kissed the pink haired auror who flung her arms around his neck and grinned tearfully into his neck as the small crowd of guests clapped with smiles on their faces.

He stared fixedly at the scene his face showing no emotion as he watched another marauder marry the woman they loved.

He remembered seeing Lily marry Potter. Much like this he'd watched from afar knowing that he was far from welcome at the ceremony.

He'd watched as she'd arrived a the small church in Godric's Hollow, chosen by Potter as it had been the church his parents had married in. She'd looked stunning in her simple white gown, her bright red locks piled in a neat bun at the back of her head with curled strands framing her cheeks as they fell artistically from its updo.

He'd felt his heart break as an hour later they'd walked from the church hand in hand smiling beautifully at each other and kissing each other deeply.

As he'd watched the scene he'd felt anger unlike anything he'd ever experienced in his life, and now all these years later as he watched the werewolf kiss the crown of the Metamorphagus' head as they smiled for a quick photo taken by Mr. Weasley, he was bitter, furious with himself for his part in their happiness.

He averted his gaze from the scene and twisted harshly as he disapparated.

۞

He spent a month feeling the anger grow within him. He listened to the Dark Lord taunt Bellatrix for her neice's shameful marriage yet he couldn't find it in himself to jeer at her, as he'd usually take the opportunity to do.

Why would he feel joy even in mocking the marriage? He couldn't. Not when he knew how happy they had been as they wed. How their happiness had sliced through him like a knife through the gut as he knew that he himself would never feel such happiness.

His jealousy at the marauders happiness grew worse. The night the Dark Lord planned to capture Potter as he left his aunt and uncle's house he found himself flying into a sudden fury, kicking aside the furniture that adorned his house whilst screaming in anguish.

He couldn't focus on the Dark Lord's mission. He couldn't even focus on his mission for Dumbledore, and when he arrived at Malfoy's Manor to prepare for that night's attack his eyes were blazing with ice as he glared at everyone around him. He didn't even notice the Death Eater's fearful looks as they avoided his gaze.

But the moment he saw Lupin as he chased after him and the polyjuiced Potter behind him, he felt his anger dissipitate as he saw Lupin raise his wand with his left hand and the soft glint of a gold ring caught his eye. He saw Dolohov aim his wand for Lupin's back and in a split second Snape uttered the curse in his mind, _"Sectumsempra" _aiming for Dolohov's wand hand.

The curse missed and hit the fake Potter who screamed out in unbearable pain as the curse hit his ear, blood streaming from the wound as Lupin yelled to him yanking one of his arms into his grip as the injured Potter lost consciousness and almost slipped from the broom.

In the next second Lupin disarmed Dolohov and putting on an extra burst of speed, raced from the scene leaving the two Death Eaters behind.

As he and Dolohov returned to the Manor, the mission failed, Snape felt grimly satisfied. The werewolf would return home to his wife. She wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing him. Like the pain he'd gone through when he'd lost Lily.

۞

It was the night moved his belonging's into the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts that the news reached him.

Tonks was pregnant and the werewolf had left her.

He heard the news from Bellatrix who gleefully cackled at her neice's misfortune, claiming that that was what you get marrying a filthy half-breed werewolf and hoping that the bastard child would too suffer from the father's curse.

Snape looked to Narcissa who kept her eyes firmly in front of her as Bellatrix celebrated the news, yet no smile reached her face and he could see the pain and sympathy in her eyes as he knew she thought about her long-lost sister's daughter.

He knew he should have just left it. He knew what the consequences would have been if he'd been found out, by the Dark Lord or by the Order, but his thoughts always brought him back to the broken girl, whose annoying pink hair was an unchangeable shade of mousy brown as she'd sobbed through her heartache in the Hogs Head with firewhiskey in hand.

He made a quick decision and leaving the Hogwarts grounds, ignoring the glare of Minerva who watched his movements from the shadows, he turned on his heel and disapparated.

He found the werewolf easy enough. He'd taken refuge in a rundown muggle pub near to Godric's Hollow, which Snape shook his head at disgusted. Was this honestly the safest place he could think of? Didn't he know that if a Death Eater were passing, killing a pub full of muggles would be their idea of a good time?

Remembering the skill passed to him by the Dark Lord, Snape raised both arms and closed his eyes feeling the power of flight take over him as his feet left the ground and he flew to the balcony just outside the werewolf's room.

He looked inside the window and was shocked to see Lupin sitting on the rotted wooden floor, his face dead as he lifted a large bottle of muggle alcohol to his lips and chugged down a few swallows before pulling it away gasping, tears growing in his eyes.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Snape heard him moan and he made a decision. 

The Patronus was cast in a quick moment and Snape quickly whispered his message lovingly to the Doe, his fingers tracing the untouchable edges of the Doe's face. In a flash the Doe leapt into the room and Lupin looked up in shock.

"Remus."

Snape smiled longingly as he listened to the Doe speak not with his voice but Lily's. She delivered the message and how Lupin stared at it entranced.

"Lily?"

"Remus. There's been an accident. It's Tonks. Something's happened to the baby. She needs you. Go to her."

In one second the patronus faded, and in the next Snape watched Lupin leap from his seat on the floor yelling, "NO! NO! NO!", grab his tatty muggle jacket and disapparate.

Snape returned to the castle with a soft smile on his face.

۞

When Snape heard of the birth of Tonks and Lupin's child, he cried.

"Teddy Remus Lupin." He heard Minerva tell Filius outside her classroom as he remained hidden around the corner. "A Metamorphagus just like Tonks. Remus was so relieved."

"No lyncanthropy traits?" Filius asked happily, "That's wonderful! I am thrilled for them. Have you seen little Teddy?"

"Just once. I dropped in on Remus and Tonks yesterday to give my congratulations. Both mother and child are doing well, oh he's such a beautiful baby!" Snape rest his head on the wall looking ahead of him with a small smile that also hinted at the sadness he felt.

But as Minerva's spoke her next words he broke and began to cry silently.

_"He has his mother's eyes."_

۞

He could feel the life draining from him as the wound on his neck carried away his life's blood and in that moment, he felt relief.

He tightened his grip on Potter pulling him closer.

"Look...at...me..." he whispered, and as his eyes looked into Potter's, he could no longer feel the pain. He stared into the deep green orbs and thought as he faded.

"_I'm coming Lily!"_

۞

He lay surrounded by white mist and for a moment he wondered where he was, before he pushed himself to his feet and looked around, staring as he made out five dark figures standing in the distance.

Unable to explain why he did it he moved to them feeling the swish of his white robe against his ankles as he moved.

He squinted at the figures as he got closer and his heart stopped as he recognised them.

Closest to him stood Lily, a sweet smile on her face as she outstretched her hand to him.

"Hi Sev."

He felt tears grow in his eyes as he moved towards her quickly,taking her hand in his, just like they did as children.

"I've missed you!" He whimpered squeezing her hand in his as he took in her beautiful face. She just smiled.

"It's time to go Sev. We don't belong here." She told him, pulling him to follow her as she walked back to the other four figures.

He took in two of marauders that stood before him. Potter and Black stood side by side watching Lily pull Snape towards them, their faces understanding. Potter smiled as Lily released Snape and walked back to him taking his hand in hers.

And for once he didn't feel jealousy towards Potter as Lily took his hand and smiled up at him lovingly. Only thankful. Thankful that she was happy.

Snape turned to the last two of the group, looking to a much younger looking Lupin who had an arm around Tonks who was snuggled into his shoulder, her hair as always bright pink.

Lupin looked to Tonks with a smile, before looking to Snape, his face serious as he spoke.

"Thank you."

Snape just nodded.

Lily spoke softly, breaking the moment.

"It's time to go."

She retook Snape's hand in her free one, smiling as Sirius took James' spare hand and Lupin took Snape's, holding Tonks' tightly with his other.

And with a flash of light they moved on.

Together.

۞

**A/N: Thank you for reading. And please leave a review. Thank you to everybody who reviewed this story, your reviews meant so much to me. **

**Stay tuned for my new James/Lily/Snape fic which I hope to have up soon.**


End file.
